As I grew up reading his poems and soaking in his effulgence, even in that pre-adolescent phase the undertones of disappointment in his poems never escaped me. Tagore's love poems, under layers of romance,passion and erotic drama almost always have an undercurrent of regret, disappointment and sadness.
Sample the lines ...
..... How can the body touch the flower that only the spirit may touch ?
......Free me from the bonds of your sweetness, my love! ... Free me from your spells, and give me back my manhood to offer you my freed heart ...
In more than a few thousand poems, stories and songs that explore the intricate dynamics between lovers, Tagore's always seemed to return time and time again to explore the deathly bondage that hides in erotic attachments and the spiritual tests that can wreak havoc on mere mortals in the garb of the sweetest, most innocent romance. As it is with bards, writers and geniuses of all shapes and forms, this strain of sorrow seemed somehow to form the crux of this artist who won us a Nobel and inspired doppelgangers in Latin America and Spain and possibly many other places.
It was my trip to Shantiniketan that finally once and for all laid bare the mystery shrouding my beloved bard.
A poem next to the portrait of a beautiful women, full of love,hope and goodness - in short an exception.
I have made you the pole star of my life,
I shall never lose my way in this sea.
Wherever I go,You always shine in my view
And shed light from your anxious eyes.
Secretly in my mind,Your image is always alive
I lose my mind,When I lose your sight.
When my heart wants to stray,Along a wrong way
Your remembrance fills it with shame.
The first reading of this unfamiliar verse filled me with the lightness of spring and I hungrily devoured the portrait and the eulogy next to it.
Kadambari Tagore, Muse and Mentor. Sister-in-law.
I couldn't wait to unravel this puzzle .... To think it was this woman, who Tagore declared his muse and the force behind his work, thus implying her hand in the undercurrent of the frustrated, melancholic and dark erotica behind his life's work. A huge portion of it, at least.
A mystery I unravelled in the days to come, through research, discussions and reasoning so as to arrive at a coherent if closely speculative simulation and understanding of this enigma.....
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