Who ordered these .... Child Brides - II

I remember my panic when I first faced my batch of pre-adolescents at a foundation that was working with slum children. I remember my palpitating self-confidence at the thought of having to teach such gangly and tender looking children meditation and pranayama. Being impoverished, the girls who were 13 looked around 9 to me and the fact that they weren't as worldly as the children we meet who are obviously from a more privileged class and exposed to the extra - curricular world. These children hadn't had exposure to the thinkers of our age, to internet and newspapers. They were, however, irascibly street smart, picking up the concepts I taught them with the zeal of someone who  knows what a benefit self-development is.



One of these sessions finally decoded that wistful gaze I was subjected to by the girls. One of them said to me that her mother was discouraging her from putting her heart into education because all she would do later would be to get married. Soon. The girl I thought looked 10 and too young to meditate was talking marriage and babies with the rationale of a woman in her 20's. If there is a more chilling face-off with the reality of our nation consider me off the list. I can do without such a slap-on-the-face moments when the sheer craziness of how privileged we are as a result of the coincidence of our birth to educated, middle- class parents is rubbed on our faces.


I brushed aside the stinging feeling at the base of my neck and proceeded with a dismissive smile. I joked that she could tell her mother that if she were educated they would find an educated groom for her. I quickly forgot the incident until this week when I attended the annual summer camp organised by the foundation for these students. Dance, drama, music, painting and science exhibitions that displayed their progress to the trustees and promoters of the foundation. I was blown by the dance performances and the science exhibits. But what rocked me to my core was the play put together by the girls. Aged 8 to 13. A play on child marriage.


Evidently, a cathartic release for them. The concept, script and dialogues were all developed by the girls themselves. The acting and execution were brilliant and were I allowed I would post the video here. Their passionate bows at the applause clearly conveyed how deeply moving a release it was for them. They are all living in the shadow of fear - a marriage that might be arranged any day in their teens and take them away from home and school to another slum or village. A discussion by the panel of staff that deliberated with the principal of the children's schools quickly narrated the rest of the tale.


Whereas the children all excelled in the walls of the foundation, their studies and extra-curriculars didn't follow up within their homes. Irrespective of gender their parents were indifferent to the improvement in their grades, their ambitions to be more than their humble beginnings. Obviously, these parents didn't want their children to be too good for themselves. To be alienated from your own child is something no parent wants. But here, particularly the girls were being aggressively pulled down. Their parents let them indulge in the activities conducted at the foundation, they might even enjoy the gifts the girls bring home for having excelled in their choice of activity. But an improvement in grades is perceived as a threat. And attempts are made to neutralise the flowering of their child's personality.


Here in a nutshell is our predicament. Even when resources are available to children who have what it takes to move out of the slums, the parents and family pull the child back. The girls, more aggressively are emotionally blackmailed. Their mothers allege that by stressing for an education they are implying their own mothers are inferior. The girl is torn between a world she longs to be a part of, and parents who pull her back through the dynamics of covert control and manipulation. Which daughter wants her parents to be alienated or her family to allege she is breaking out of their circle. By speaking a different language, by knowing what a computer is and by making choices that put power in her hands, she is rubbing their inferiority in their faces, and no child wants to do that. 


So the girls hide their real value from themselves and their parents. Hide their dreams and longingly gaze at me and the employees at the foundation like they were looking through the glass of a candy-shop.